7-4-17

July Fourth Shutdown. in People suck. Cats are awesome. Dogs are alright.

  •  July 4, 2017, 12:45 p.m.
    •  
  • |
    •  
  • Public

I can barely move. I can barely think. Everything is slow and methodical. I’m typing like a … I dunno. It’s like reality is too horrible and all I can do is retreat into myself. I’m alone in my room, and I could barely get the coffee maker plugged in. I missed the plug twice. I make my toast and coffee in here, and I have a bottle of Parkay Squeeze that I shake before I use it, and I couldn’t do the shaking motion today. Like moving that fast is physically impossible.
I don’t “feel” anything. All I know is I need OUT. And I have nowhere to go. So I will try to move forward. But I have the noose, carefully constructed to block blood flow but not air. So if I just CAN’T go on, I have that.
Today we were supposed to go watch the fireworks. I don’t want to, but he’ll expect it. So at eight I’ll be ready, and I’ll have my double ear protection. So unless he screams bloody murder, (which he may do), I won’t be able to hear him. I bought it all to block out screaming kids in public places. It might work for verbally abusive assholes too. I dunno.
First I have to comb my hair and feed the animals, and that alone is like walking up a steep hill with wind in my face. But I will try, because I’m afraid of oblivion.
More later, as the hell that has become my life unfolds.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Nov 23rd 2016

The temporal nature of all things.  in  People suck. Cats are awesome. Dogs are alright.  Nov. 23, 2016, 5:56 a.m.   |   Public I just finished packing, wrapping, and addressing the box to my long distance friend. And there are two overwhelming sentiments: One, he is awesome. And two, I’ve had good friends before, and they’re all gone now. But, not out of hope that this friendship will be different, but to enjoy it while it lasts, I’ve poured more of my heart into this box than I’ve put into anything for anyone (aside from the Male and my mother) in a very, very, long time. Because however long I may have him, he genuinely understands me. He’s also an aspie, with similar tastes and frustrations. If he were ten years older I’d be obsessed in a romantic way, but he’s young enough to be my kid, so instead I’m thinking of him like a nephew. And may the gods help anyone who ever harms him, because I’m stereotypically evil, at my core, and I’m inclined t...
Read more

Nov 30th 2016

OMG dog.  in  People suck. Cats are awesome. Dogs are alright.  Nov. 30, 2016, 3:50 p.m.   |   Public When I first got her it was rough. She cried at night and kept me up and the Male had to sleep with her so I could sleep  at all . Then we got past that, and it was  great  for a few months. The house breaking never took hold, but I figured it would  eventually , right? I’m consistent in taking her out, and I give her treats when she goes in the yard and I tap her paw to some hanging bells that I put by the door as we go out, and I say, “out”, so theoretically she should eventually figure out that pawing the bells gets the door open,  I thought . I taught her eight “tricks”. She knows: sit, stay, shake, lay down, roll over, stand, bow, and fetch. But now we’re at five months, and she’s  still  not housebroken. Add to that, she’s upwards of thirty pounds and hops ALOT.  Plus her insatiable need to destroy an...
Read more

Nov 17th 2016

The worm is turning.  in  People suck. Cats are awesome. Dogs are alright.  Nov. 17, 2016, 9:57 p.m.   |   Public My goals are coming true. As of March, the husband will be collecting social security, and still working at his present job. He can do that for two years, through Experience Works, because one doesn’t count as “income” to the other. That, plus the fact that our bills total all of $382 a month, including household miscellaneous like light bulbs, means that we can do some very cool things. At long last, we’ll have a vehicle again. And restock and restart the old vending business. Which is more of an expensive hobby which occasionally pays for itself, than a business. And once I have My SSI, however long that may take, or once he’s no longer at his job, whichever happens first; we’ll be able to spend our summers on the road, taking tours of the pagan festivals of North America. Coming to that realisation gives me something I haven’t had ...
Read more