7-7-17

Today in people I want to bludgeon: in People suck. Cats are awesome. Dogs are alright.

•  July 6, 2017, 10:11 a.m.
 
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• Public

Am I the only one who walks through a home improvement store, picking up various objects, and imagining how gratifying it would be to plant them upside people’s heads?

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Brief update, first, since so many people were so kind: I’m not dead yet; obviously. The fourth and the fifth were what I would’ve previously called “normal” days. But I’m keeping track. Assuming that I don’t kill myself before then, things are going to change when I get paid.

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Now:

Someone on r/Aspergirls made a post looking for an article that she could show her husband, to help him better understand her; and a commenter posted a link to this:http://c.ymcdn.com/sites/www.naswma.org/resource/resmgr/imported/FCE_AspergerMarriage.pdf Which appears to be a treatise on the unspeakable horrors of being a neurotypical female, married to an aspie male. It details, in language very sympathetic to the poor, victimized, women, how unbearably awful it is to be in such a situation.

And I WANT TO BEAT EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM BLOODY. (I won’t. I couldn’t do it without landing in a correctional institution. but dear gods I want to.)

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And this is what I said, with what I think was laudable restraint:

That seems to focus on how traumatic it is for a NT woman to be married to an aspie male, and how therapeutic it is for said NT women to find a support group of other women in the same situation.

I found the lists of things that the aspie men were supposedly doing to be offensive; as if anybody can rightfully attribute malice to something that you can’t help.
Frankly reading that has me imagining how gratifying it would be to show up at one of these “meetings” and give those unsympathetic women what for.
I don’t think this a good thing for people on the spectrum to be reading. It paints us as emotional and social burdens.

I want to tell these bats: “If he’s that bad, instead of coming here to complain and turning him into a villain because of a neurological condition that he was born with; do the logical thing and leave for chrissakes! You wouldn’t sit here and rant if he had spina bifida, or any other plainly visible disability, but because it’s invisible, you think it’s okay to blame him for it!

Newsflash, dip!@$#s, it’s not.

Examples:

” Each woman’s story resonates with the experiences of other women in the group. Some stories revolve around the men’s behavior that their partners thought “bizarre.” For example: • One woman explained that in order to concentrate on a conversation with her, her partner lies on the bed with a tee shirt wrapped around his entire head and face. Only by blocking out all outside stimulation can he focus on what his wife is saying. • One partner slept under laundry piled on the bed for sensory comfort. • Another group member’s partner ate the same thing every night for more than 3 years, and at the same time: right before he got into bed. • Some partners are oblivious to medical emergencies. • Some partners have no response, or an inappropriate one, to hearing news of a terrible disease or the death of a loved one. “

” There seems to be an unawareness of the emotional state of the partner, a lack of noticing, and a lack of appropriate comments given for certain situations. For example, on a wedding anniversary or birthday they may get an inappropriate gift, no gift at all or a gift that someone gave to them. Some women buy their own gifts “from” their partners. Because the women feel that they get very little emotional support from their partners, they often feel unloved, disappointed and neglected. For many of them, this may include feeling sexually deprived. “

“There is often difficulty with socializing. Group members discuss the feelings of going out socially and interacting with their partners. Their partner may be more introverted or need more down time than the wife, and resist going out to social events. He may feel so uncomfortable in social situations that he wishes to avoid them. Therefore it may fall to the already overburdened wife to persuade him to go out, propose and negotiate the choice of activities, find the childcare, make the phone calls, order the tickets or make the reservations. Once they arrive at the family gathering, dinner party or cultural event, the man with AS may be cranky and uncomfortable, or silent and withdrawn. He may (unintentionally) bore or offend others, or talk too much/inappropriately at the gathering. • Another theme that comes up frequently is how awkward and unrewarding it is to be in social situations with their partner. Men with AS sometimes share personal details about the couple’s private life, not understanding that this is not the time or the place for such a comment. For example, “at parties he used to complain to the guys about doing laundry (the only chore he would do)”

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You don’t get to act like YOU’RE the victim of SOMEONE ELSE’S DISABILITY.

I don’t throw a fit at the inconvenience of having to walk around the wheelchair ramp at Steve’s house. (The guy who gave me my dog.) Oh woe is me! I have to walk all the way up that tedious incline! He should drag himself up stairs, to save me the trouble of having to navigate that stupid thing! His poor friends should all attend a freaking SUPPORT Group for the stress they must endure.

F!@# YOU, neurotypical wives. (And my at least not autistic cohabitator.)

This is what we are. You don’t like it, get the hell out. (And that’s exactly what he’s going to hear if things don’t radically change when I get paid.) I supported his flabby, hairy, butt for years. I would rather live alone than with some raving asshole who makes me miserable.

Maybe I could find a nice, not neurotypical room mate. That would be a weird ad: “Seeking non-neurotypical room mate to share some bills and play occasional board games. Pets fine, must be generally quiet. ASD, OCD, ADHD, or social anxiety preferred.” Of course such an ad would probably violate housing laws, but it’s a nice thought.

Now I’m going back to sleep, because !@#$ it; I’m still exhausted.