7-4-17

July Fourth Shutdown. in People suck. Cats are awesome. Dogs are alright.

  •  July 4, 2017, 12:45 p.m.
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I can barely move. I can barely think. Everything is slow and methodical. I’m typing like a … I dunno. It’s like reality is too horrible and all I can do is retreat into myself. I’m alone in my room, and I could barely get the coffee maker plugged in. I missed the plug twice. I make my toast and coffee in here, and I have a bottle of Parkay Squeeze that I shake before I use it, and I couldn’t do the shaking motion today. Like moving that fast is physically impossible.
I don’t “feel” anything. All I know is I need OUT. And I have nowhere to go. So I will try to move forward. But I have the noose, carefully constructed to block blood flow but not air. So if I just CAN’T go on, I have that.
Today we were supposed to go watch the fireworks. I don’t want to, but he’ll expect it. So at eight I’ll be ready, and I’ll have my double ear protection. So unless he screams bloody murder, (which he may do), I won’t be able to hear him. I bought it all to block out screaming kids in public places. It might work for verbally abusive assholes too. I dunno.
First I have to comb my hair and feed the animals, and that alone is like walking up a steep hill with wind in my face. But I will try, because I’m afraid of oblivion.
More later, as the hell that has become my life unfolds.

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