Nov 15th 2016

Examining lost friends: in People suck. Cats are awesome. Dogs are alright.

•  Nov. 15, 2016, 1:29 a.m.
 
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• Public

I have an amazing propensity for dumping people. Friends, relatives, jobs, coworkers, acquaintances; both online and in real life. I dropped eleven people from my life because of who they voted for, or because of some mutual acquaintance whom they defended, who voted that way, or because they “liked” a comment supporting that party.

Then I sat and cried for hours over the loss of a few of them. My sister, in particular, I really wanted to keep around. But my principles are stronger than my love for anyone. If I even do “love” anyone.

It’s more that I just want people with shared memories from our mutual past to see my various small accomplishments. I’ve taught my new dog seven tricks now. Just as a for instance. And my sister and favorite remaining aunt won’t get to see them, or the other neat things I’ll likely teach her, or the painting I’m finishing, or the stuff I’m doing to improve the house, or anything. It’s like my family history is a collective story, and I just wrote myself out of it.

The people who see what I post online now, will have no idea of the forty three years of history that came before it. That’s what makes me sad. I broke my own narrative.

In an effort to help me better understand myself, I’m listing people who used to be in my life, and no longer are, and why that is; in no particular order:

Arcelia, coworker, supported Grabbers Of Pussy party.
Kelly, voted GOP
Steve and Joe, “liked” Kelly’s comment calling me judgemental.
Bobbie and Debra, posted pro GOP memes 
Marcel, defended some idiot that I told off because he supported the GOP.

Asenath, posted pro life memes.
Several acquaintances whose names I forget, posted pictures of dead animals.

Paul, whined at Kelly to get us thrown out, when we were homeless.
Toni and all of her children, wouldn’t let us sleep indoors when we were homeless, then later defended that decision.

Bill, returned the last card I sent him, with the words, “never forget there is nothing for you here” written on it in permanent marker.

NeNe, posted racist memes against interracial marriage.

Tina and Melissa, old high school friends whom I can’t seem to locate online, included for the sake of completeness.

Kevin, attempted to steal from me.
Lloyd, stole from me.

Jenay, celebrated her brother’s unnecessary death and gleefully sold all of his stuff, for an expensive vacation.
Aggie, refers to me as “sinful” while she tries to be a Jehovah’s witness.

Echo, has schizophrenia, and is too erratic to maintain a relationship with.
Anna, only posts selfies and talks about how wonderful her life is, and is too pretentious and shallow to bear.
Pamela, is a raving Baptist. No one cares about jesus, go watch a movie or something already.
Whitney, also a raving Baptist.

Heather, is on husband number six, desperate for attention, extremely low self esteem, complains constantly but refuses to change her behavior.
Linda and Chrissy, old high school friends, no idea where life took them.

Bobbie, Cathy, and their kids, blame me for a failed business I tried to help them establish.
Vicky, decided to just keep a bunch of stuff that I left at her house when we were homeless.
James and Eric, no idea what became of them.

Tom, just stopped talking to me. Presumably because I’m too weird.

Gordon refused to stop flirting with me.

Leslie, Shannon, and a bunch of others, stopped affiliating with me when I stopped buying weed.

A crap ton of dead relatives. Most of whom were really awesome people. Lung cancer sucks, folks.

There are certainly others I’m failing to remember.

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The thing about my sister, is that I knew I didn’t like her, when I decided to try to reconnect with her, because so much of my family is dead or dying now. I was already well aware that she’s a controlling, shallow, narcissistic, abrasive person.

But I tried anyway, because our mother has cancer and I wanted someone to share things with who shared a mutual past and memories. For months it was alright. She posted religious bulls@#$, and I commented with facts to contest the fantasy, and she actually thanked me for my viewpoint. She made nice remarks on my stuff, saying that she understood. We actually had conversations. I allowed myself that most dangerous of things, hope.

Then came the election, and I posted at least twice that this means the end of my ability to see a doctor, and she commented that she understood, and that she’d voted third party; and that was fine.

Then she posted several pro GOP memes and, the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back, made “I’m so proud to be American!” Her f@#$ing status.

Queue the dramatic Mozart. Mental images from anime of swords that seem to slice for minutes.

Betrayal is the term here.

You cannot “love” someone as she claimed to love me, and actively support an administration that has vowed to take away my much needed health care. 
Or is that not what “love” is? Is it not mutual, tangible, support ?

If you have a biracial sibling, and you tell them that you love them, then openly support the KKK, what do you call that?  A BIGOTED HYPOCRITE, that’s what.

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I really do need to find some liberal friends. Of course, they’ll have to also be misanthropists. But surely they exist, right?

Ooh, I know! I’ll show up at a family reunion. I’ve never been to one. Maybe I can find someone there I won’t hate. I doubt it, but it’s a thought.

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When I say that I am your friend, that means that you can crash on my couch any time. I will feed you, and any pets and/or children that you may have, if need be. I will offer tangible support. I will, (and presently am), send you stuff in the mail. I will help you in any way that I can.

In the unlikely event that I say I “love” someone, that means I’ll get between you and an oncoming car. I’ll sacrifice my electric bill to help you get to a doctor, if need be.

“Love” shouldn’t be an empty word that just means you’ll say empty platitudes with no real commitment to back them up.

I have a real friend living in a country where Halloween is rarely celebrated. So what did I do? I boxed up a few pounds of candy and spooky souvenirs and MAILED it to him.

Because that’s the sort of thing that you do for people that you actually care about.

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I f@#$ing hate humanity and its meaningless words.

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Last updated November 15, 2016