Nov 21st 2016

Mundanity in People suck. Cats are awesome. Dogs are alright.

  •  Nov. 21, 2016, 12:57 p.m.
    •  
  • |
    •  
  • Public

I see other people here just writing about their daily lives, so what the hell. Except that my daily life, compared to all of these diarists, is either excruciatingly dull or blissfully calm, depending on your perspective.
Last night I was up until five thirty in the morning playing WoW with one of my treasured few friends. He’s in Australia, which means that if I want to hang out, I have to do so in the middle of the night. But that’s cool. I have no life, in the stereotypical sense of the word.
I met him on the Asperger’s subreddit. I’ve made other friends there, too, but he’s the only one who plays WoW or has enough in common with me for long chats. Or maybe the others just aren’t as adept at finding the words to have a chat in the first place. With ASD, you never know.
Regardless, this one’s a keeper. If I ever meet him I’m going to squeeze him until his eyeballs pop out. It’s a wonderful thing when you find people that you can actually relate to, when you live in a world where no one does.
In other news, I haven’t called my mother in weeks. I have horrible conflicting feelings about that woman. Predominantly because her words to me and her actions have never meshed. She obviously thinks I’m an idiot, because she listed “I’d have to cook for you!” as one of the reasons why she doesn’t want me to visit her; even though she knows full well I’m perfectly capable of basic food preparation. Sure, I can’t make a cake from scratch, but I can handle grilled cheese sandwiches and hamburgers. And I’m diagnosed OCD, so you know I clean up my mess and do the dishes. But a thousand times over the years I’ve said to her, (maybe more), “I’m not stupid, mother”, and she always says, “I never said you were!”; and the argument ensues from there. “So then why did you say that?”, I’ll ask, and she’ll huff like she’s disgusted and grumble ” I don’t know”, then stomp away like she’s just completely fed up. I mean that’s happened, exactly that way, countless times.
So I have no idea how I feel about her. I feel obligated to call her, but I don’t know if it’s because I genuinely care and want to, or purely out of a sense of guilt that she’s imposed upon me. Because she’s rejected me as a person, that’s an undeniable reality. And why would I seek out the attention of someone who doesn’t want me around? And why does she keep saying that she “loves” me, while she has no desire to see me? What the hell is “love” by her definition? Do neurotypical people get something from empty words, even when they’re paired with conflicting actions, that I’m just not capable of appreciating? She still sends me cards. Why? What the hell is the point?
I don’t know how she feels about me, and therefore I don’t know how I feel about her.
I have a birthday coming up. Whoopdidoo. More cake and presents from the husband, and maybe rewatching one of my favorite movies. Because nobody cares enough about me to want to get together on my account. Because either my entire family are terrible people, or I’m just that hard to share a room with. Or both. And people wonder why I hate my species. Gee, I don’t know. It might be because they all hate ME.
28% of all convicted serial and spree killers show ASD traits. That’s not because autism makes you more violent. It’s because it makes you a pariah, and humans are social animals. Make someone an outcast, treat them like dirt long enough, and sooner or later, they’ll snap.
My idiot half sister said “I wish you’d found another way besides hate”. Then the elephantine c@#$ cheers for the administration that has vowed to take away my health care. Like I told her, you can’t say that you “love” me and do that. You have to pick.
One of ASD’s defining traits is a strong sense of principles. That’s in contrast to my family who don’t appear to have any at all.
So I’ll be alone with the husband for my birthday, just like every other day. Daydreaming of ways to murder people, because f#$@ them, and lamenting my transparency that prevents me from ever being a successful serial killer.
And now I’m going back to sleep.
Last updated November 21, 2016

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

6-29-17

Opinions? These are the sorts of questions I would ask if I made a survey:  in  People suck. Cats are awesome. Dogs are alright.  June 29, 2017, 11:21 p.m.   |   Public This seemed like a reasonable way to pass the time while I wait for my sedatives to kick in. So, are these poor questions? Honesty, please. I keep referring to surveys as “stupid”, so it seems logical that I might try to make my own; and someone else said something supportive to that effect, so here we are. The difference is that I prefer questions with depth. Maybe ordinary people just don’t like to delve much past the surface of their lives? My therapist says of aspies, “We’re not puddles. We’re deep.” The obvious insinuation being that other people aren’t. In which case I could intentionally try to make one that’s shallow, but the sarcasm would be obvious; with questions like: Do you have lampshades in your home? Sunglasses or a hat? Do you flush every single time you use...
Read more
Image
So this will be the new blog, apparently. I'll try to make it a little less garish when I'm more awake, and at the desk. 
Read more

6-28-17

My species continues to disappoint and confound me.  in  People suck. Cats are awesome. Dogs are alright.  June 28, 2017, 2:55 p.m.   |   Public So yesterday we went to the EOPA to renew PIPP, the program that keeps our power and gas at 6% of our income. - Just to show that it is possible to create successful “masks”, (much like a sociopath), without really understanding what you’re doing, (NOT like a sociopath); the lady who did our paperwork struck me as cute. - (Yes, I’m in a relationship that will probably last me until I’m dead, but that doesn’t make me blind; and some women do look attractive to me. I had a girlfriend once, a long time ago. But I digress.) So without thinking about it at all, I apparently shifted to “flirty” mode, completely unintentionally, and we walked out of there with our back gas bill written off, a free air conditioner and tickets to a baseball game; neither of the last two of which we needed.  sigh and eye roll ...
Read more